Little Miss Friggin' Sunshine

I know I'm lucky to have a roof over my head, some people don't.  I know I'm lucky to have (although I can't do it at the moment)  a job , many people do not. I know whenever I want to complain about something I should think of it from the standpoint of something I am grateful for, and I am so, so grateful. I know that to a certain point my current situation is a result of my own actions. The thing is, I need a release.  I need support and encouragement.  Why am I constantly being made to feel guilty for needing and wanting these things?  I think much like divorce (which I've also the pleasure of experiencing) or the death of a friend's loved one, when people have a friend in severe economic straits they don't know what to say.  I don't mean they can't think of anything to say I mean they are ignorant of the kind of words truly needed.  It's not that they don't care or mean well but when the struggle is not their own there can be a kind of tunnel vision that prevents them from seeing what's really going on.  I can only wholly speak from my personal experience but I'll try to include general advice on how to handle this situation and, let's face it, these days who doesn't know several people in severe financial trouble.  I'd also like to add that I am by no means innocent of doing exactly the same thing.  There was a time when I took several vacations a year and basically had everything I wanted (within reason, of course) and I, too would tell my less fortunate friends to "stay positive" and "things will turn around" and every other platitude one is "supposed' to say under such circumstances.  No wonder we think we're doing the right thing, because the friend smiles or writes "thanks for your support" on their facebook page and we privately congratulate ourselves on being a good friend.  Here's the thing: we're in the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression and the hard times that "won't last forever" are still lasting a pretty long damn time and people tire of having to give positive reinforcement to their less fortunate friends, leading them to say the most painful thing possible, which is saying nothing at all   I think positively all on my own. I'm not looking for a cheerleader.  I truly believe I will get out of the hole I'm in someday, but I can't create a job for myself out of thin air or make a recruiter hire me over people with more experience (how do you get experience if they won't hire you but that's a whole different blog post).  In my case I am dependent on my parents for transport since I totaled my car last year so I can't job hunt as hard as I'd like.  Yes, I'm without a car because I had a wreck but do you know the reason I wrecked?  I hadn't slept in two days because of my constant state of almost panic attack level anxiety over my situation and my reflexes were just a little slower than normal.  One year on my situation is even worse, as is the anxiety and sleeplessness.  You're probably wondering why I don't ask my doctor for medication to relieve anxiety and help me sleep. Well the only psychiatrist I can see is one through a government program and he is not allowed to prescribe medicine for anxiety or sleeping.  Ya know, one of the poor patients might scam them for meds and sell them so lets screw the vast majority who would not.  Although for you life may be pretty much the same as it was a few years ago for many people like myself it is a very different world. It is easy to believe in the ability to pull oneself up by the bootstraps if you don't actually have to accomplish the feat. Take my field, phlebotomy--how many times have you had blood drawn or donated blood in your life?  They must constantly be hiring phlebotomists and the constant demand use to allow less experienced phlebotomists to be hired. However, healthcare is not immune to market fluctuations and the high unemployment and underemployment rates of two years ago prevented people from going to the doctor as often, which resulted in the laying off of medical professionals.  Now that the economy is improving companies are hiring more people and those experienced, unemployed workers are applying to the same jobs as people just starting out like myself.  Who would you pick?  It's only logical to go with someone with more experience, especially in a field so subject to litigation.  I guess my point at the end of this rambling mess is I want to be comforted and to not feel guilty about asking for comforting.  I don't want to be frozen out of everyone's life.  My mother says, the reason no one does anything with me is because I'm so negative.  I should talk about the weather and not how I missed out on a job because of a very expensive, temporary injury.  If I talk about things like that it's because that's my life and my life is in a negative mode right now.  It's the same as me talking about better things when my life is in a positive mode.  Funny, when I was in a better place no one scolded me for being too grateful but now I'm constantly being told how ungrateful I am.  It's like when your grandmother fusses at you for not cleaning your plate because of starving children-whether you eat it or not, the starving children will still starve.  Me constantly smiling and writing only positive things on facebook will not solve my problems.  Reaching out honestly and openly to that friend on the other hand helps so much more than you know. In my case it's even more important because I barely receive acknowledgement from my family let alone encouragement and I live with them!  Of course if I suggest doing something I'm needy and ungrateful for what they've done for me, but as you well know from your own life we creatures need more than just food and shelter to survive and thrive and yes, we less fortunate realize that you have problems too and we'd love to hear about them.  You should also feel no shame about coming to us.  If you think we'd be offended that you bring up your own troubles we won't.  If we wanted you to boost us up while muting your own problems then we wouldn't be a friend.  If you're afraid to ask us to do something because you think we expect to be paid for trust me that's not what we're after unless you truly want to treat us.  What we want is to know that just because times are hard we still have friends.  Actual, in the flesh, laughing friends.  Silence hurts more than anything because when you're in a hole for a long time you forget there's an above ground unless someone up above throws you a rope.